One thing I know-I am not Martha Stewart.

So, I try. I really do. I try to be thoughtful, and I try to be creative. Mostly I'm just tired, and do the best I can to remember things and not make people feel bad because I forget stuff that is important to them (it literally takes every ounce of memory-energy I have to make sure I don't forget things important to my immediate family). This is related to lots of things, but especially parenting-school obligations are really a lot of work for parents. I'm not sure if it's because Gillian goes to private school and they just expect parents to be uber involved (I have struggled to do my 10 service hours, and next year they're bumping it up to 20!), or because I never paid attention to how tired people look who cart their kids around from one event to the next. There are forever little notes in Gillian's backpack for what they need us to contribute to function every day (snacks, juice, art supplies-and this is above and beyond what you had to bring at the beginning of the year), and for special occasions (Wear RED (Valentine's Day)! Wear black and Orange (Halloween)! Wear Christmas colors! Wear all black (for Mexican heritage day costumes!!)! Wear silly hats (whatever)! bring a shoebox to decorate for a valentine's mailbox!, bring treats for classmates!....and on and on and on) ...a neverending list of thing to remember for someone like me who can't remember anything.

To remedy this, I have a calendar in my email at work that gives me a day, an hour, and every-10-minutes-for-30-minutes-before-an-event warning. I would be well advised to put personal things (birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, special events) on there as well. Sean, of freakish ability to remember every detail of everything that ever happened every second of his life, thinks I just don't try, but I honestly am either so focused or so distracted that things fall through the cracks. I'm not trying to excuse myself, but that is the way I am and the way I have always been. Maybe it's because growing up we never made a big deal out of anything-not birthdays (no cake, no gifts that I can remember), not any milestone, really. My dad didn't even come when I graduated from grad school. He lived 3 hours away, but couldn't be bothered (but my inlaws wouldn't have missed it for the world-go figure).

So, I'll never be Martha Stewart, who I am sure never forgets anything special to anyone. I'll never be the mom in Gillian's class who made (from scratch, I'm sure) heart shaped sugar cookies with her son's name imprinted in them, individually wrapped in a beautiful pink foil with red ribbons for each child. The closest I got to trying to do something special was forced on me because somehow I thought the Valentines as advertised in my all-inclusive bag of Starburst mini-packs would be age-appropriate or attractive and not lame... so after working my Very Long Day at work and commuting, getting dinner made, children fed, children bathed, children to bed (an every night Hurculean accomplishment, as all of you parents are well aware) and sitting down to just stare at the wall for a few minutes before turning in, it occurred to me that I was supposed to send in Gillian's treats NO LATER THAN FEBRUARY 9 (yes, bolded in backpack note from the classroom-over-achiever-mom-extraordinaire). I opened the bag of candy. I immediately thought "these Valentines SUCK", and "I would rather eat a rabid dog than have THESE represent Gillian's contribution to this event". Now, mind you, I had not seen what other parents had done, and clearly, after seeing what was in Gillian's mailbox after the Valentine's Day party, most parents are obviously as tired and un-Martha-Stewart-like as me. But here we were. Treats (aside from the overpriced mini-cupcake platter I bought at the grocery store the day before the party) due in less than 12 hours, it was cold out, we had a good parking space, most things were closed...time to pull something out of my proverbial backside. I found some stickers, Gillian's stamps, some googly eyes, construction paper, and a glue gun and went to town. The boys got alien monster cards. The Girls got fairies and princess cards (yes, stereotypical, but that seems to work for this age). I cranked them out in 45 minutes flat. Then I dragged myself to bed.

I wish I was thoughtful naturally. I wish I had been planning what I would do for Gillian's class for weeks beforehand, and even with two kids under 5 and a brand new baby had the wherewithall to make personalized sugar cookies from scratch. I just don't. What ends up happening a lot is that I feel guilty when I forget an important event (sorry T for missing that promotion ceremony last week) or that I will probably need to reciprocate gifts for random holidays (sorry Anna and Lori for not giving you or YOUR kids a gift/chocolate for Valentine's Day). It really isn't intentional. I hope being thoughtful in other ways counts-on those non-special days when I buy someone coffee or a treat and think to upload photos or videos, or send a packet of art to family... I might not do well on those lesser holidays, but MAN, did I do a great job at Christmas!