In the midst of it.

Gillian has been making us WORK for the past month or so. She is back in a test-and-see phase, and it’s utterly exhausting. She will yell from the couch “MORE LITTLEBEAR!!!!!!!!!” when she wants us to put on her second morning show even when she knows Addie is sleeping (or maybe because Addie is sleeping?). She will tell me to do something “RIGHT NOW,” (and then she might tack on an “I MEAN IT, MAMA. NOW,” as a kicker). If I ignore the hollering, she starts screaming “MAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” like she is being stabbed in the eye with an ice pick. She says NO a lot these days, followed by an “I don’t want to”. I swear Sean said, matter-of-factly, “Go to your room. You don’t talk to your mother like that” this weekend. To a THREE year old. Given this, can you imagine what 13 will look like? The there’s the perpetual getting on Addie’s case (No, ADDIE! NO,NO,NO ADDEEEEEEEEE!!!!) no matter what she does, and the casual shove or kick.

On top of it all, sleep has been a world class nightmare these days, as Gillian simply cannot go to sleep at night. I mean, she’s tired. But, even after the few attempts to break out with “I’m just not tired” or “I can’t get to sleep” or “I’m scared in there by myself” or “I just want you!”, she will sit in her room and look at books for 1-2 hours. She has still been napping, but I think we’ll try scrapping that in an effort to get her down at a reasonable hour. On top of wearing her out (which unfortunately has a triple effect wearing us out), which worked like unicorn magic yesterday (a full day topped off with a awesome picnic in the park with Francie and family wiped her out good-no trips out of her room last night, and snoring commenced within 10 minutes of tuck in).

We try to do the right things. We try not to engage her. We try to be calm and not reactive. We try to be consistent. I guess at this point, we just keep doing the same things we’ve been doing, and hope it blows over. SOON. I am often amazed how little people talk about this phase. Unless my child is the only challenging one on Earth. I mean, how do people SURVIVE this without talking about it?

You think you’re on the brink….but then, days like yesterday, she’s like a little angel who has fallen to earth, radiating effervescent kindess and good will all over the place. It’s almost like she knows you’re seriously losing it, and has to lure you back with saccharine goodness. She is polite, sweet, accommodating, and helpful. It seems these qualities come out most when we ask her to help with things she perceives as “grown up”. Also, we spent some hours alone (without Papa or Addie) grocery shopping, and we had a blast talking and singing and shopping. She loved loading up her little cart at Whole Foods with fruit and veggies she picked herself, and putting all the food on the belt at the register. She even walked her little cart back where it went, proudly telling me that “now another little girl is going to use it.” Everyone at Whole Foods, and Target, and Jewel were like “WHAT A BIG GIRL YOU ARE!!!” or “YOU ARE SUCH A GREAT HELPER TO YOUR MOMMY” or “WHAT A PRECIOUS LITTLE GIRL!!!!!!!!!!”. I smiled demurely, thinking yeah, you don’t know the HALF of it, lady... So, if I could think of something important for her to do every second of my day (the idea makes me want a nap) then my hypothesis is that Gillian would be an angel child.