31 weeks and still ticking

All the stress and worry I had pushed to the furthest space in my brain about a recurrence of pre-eclampsia has been lost in a sea of hope for normalcy. All my life I have struggled against the idea of being average, of being mundane, of being utterly forgettable. This time, in this instance, I want to be forgettable...I want my pregnancy to be dull and boring and average. Last Tuesday, April 21st, was the same gestational age Gillian was when she was born. It is pretty humbling to have a pretty good idea of exactly the size the baby doing acrobatics inside my abdomen is right now (actually she's now 8 days older, and developmentally, that translates to about 4 ounces more weight and 3/4 of an inch taller):Every second she stays put makes such a difference in her size and (pretty directly corresponding) health outcome. Every week adds the precious weight she needs to help her be the "take home baby" I am praying for. I am more pregnant than I have ever been, and as uncomfortable as it can get sometimes, I am grateful. We are studiously attending the Birthways class Sarah, Megan, and Rox told me about, and it has been great (and you all were right-GOD, they show a lot of birth videos! all completely informative!!), and I am really hoping we get he chance to have labor this time. Thanks to Gillian's beloved Darla, who was willing to babysit every Wednesday through dinner and bedtime, for making going to class possible for us! So far (knock on wood) I have not even had one Braxton Hicks contraction ("practice" contractions that are pretty common by now) so I can say, completely honestly, that I have never had a contraction after having one baby and growing 3/4 of another one. Strange, I think.

So, I am well. Moderate heartburn, a little challenge sleeping and a little tired, but well. Not swollen up like the Michelin Tire Man. Not feeling off and dizzy and nauseous. Still wearing my wedding rings, comfortably. Still able to fit in every pair of shoes I own, comfortably. From behind, people say they wouldn't know I was pregnant, but I am pretty round in the front. I have gained more weight than I'd like, but not from being completely irresponsible (although the entire cake Sean and I ate in two days for my birthday was a bit much). I think I just gain a lot of weight when I'm pregnant. But, Spring is here. The trees are budding and the bulbs are blooming. There is the smell of optimism everywhere, and I am infected. I will carry this baby a while longer, I think. And when she is born, we will spend our days at the beach in the warm sun. I love the idea of having four or five glorious months, in the most beautiful time of the year, to spend getting to know eachother.