How COULD you??!!??

*Vaccinations*. [insert banshee mourning wail to illustrate one of the more terrible banes of motherhood] .

Gillian, as a "VERY premature" infant (yes, VERY is a fancy medical category of being born at less than 32 weeks gestation) is prone to a serious respiratory illness called RSV. This adds a monthly monster shot to the slew of regular shots she has to have throughout her first year of life, but only through flu season. Vaccinations are just plain awful. Did you know infants get about 20 vaccinations in their first year of life (26 for Gillian)? Some people choose to delay their baby's vaccination schedule due to concerns about "bundling" vaccines and pain. I guess we just decided not to delay the schedule because she will suffer now or later, and I think she will be more cognizant of the whole thing the older she gets.

So, last month was her 4 month visit. It was just terrible. She was so happy and in fine spirits when we arrived. As Martha said, I felt like I was "leading a lamb to the slaughterhouse" as we drove there. Gillian was so happy to visit with the doctor and nurses-cooing sweetly, smiling, and being very charming. I decided to try to nurse her through the vaccinations, thinking I could Jedi-mindtrick her into not realizing she was getting shots/soothe her in the event of discomfort. For the record-that doesn't work. So, we started nursing, and Gillian settled in for a comfortable snuggle. Then out of nowhere, WHAMMO!! burning, stinging sensation #1, then #2, then #3 in the right thigh. The inconsolable crying began, real tears and her look through the tears? Betrayal. Horror. They shouted, "THIS IS MY SACRED HAPPY PLACE! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS/LET THEM DO THIS TO ME, ESPECIALLY HERE????!!!!!!" and made me cry too (in case you haven't had this adventure just yet). Just as she finally calmed down and she started eating again, they came in with the RSV vaccination, which is a big honker of a shot. Then a burning poking sensation in the other thigh, and even worse inconsolable crying. I found myself questioning my own fitness for being a mother-who would allow their child to be intentionally tortured this way?

This month I was happy to be at work the day she had to get her RSV vaccination. Stepping in for Sean, my mother-in-law got the betrayed look and got to cry watching the baby freak over the fat poke (thanks for taking one for the team, Suzi!). Next month I get to do needle overload again at the 6 month vaccination hell. That's the last time she gets so many at once (I think), and that is very, very good.