On only children

(Papa and Addie sitting out back Saturday morning listening to, and discussing thunder)

Wow, Addie has TOTALLY LOVED being the only child the past week. Her language has exploded even more. Last weekend she correctly used the words "maybe" (Me: "where is your ball?" her: "MAYBE it's downstairs") and "good idea" (Me: "Addie, what do you think about going to the playground?" her: "Mama-that's a good idea!"). She also is cracking me up with her use of "dangerous" and "worry". I guess she took that Yo Gabba Gabba episode to heart about being careful. So, if she's standing precariously on some random piece of playground equipment or about to free fall into the cushions from the side of the couch, she might say "WHOA, Addie! It's DANJRUSS! I make mama WORRY!". Then she laughs and does something completely insane that makes me almost have a heart attack. And laughs some more. I haven't taught her the words "heart attack" but I might. Sean says she will be out daredevil and we're in for it later. I think he's right.

I also notice the more subtle-like last night Addie rolled onto her stomach in the bathtub and said "look at me, Mama! I'm a mermaid (clearly stolen from Gillian)!!!"...and at the playground she said some dead leaves were mice and was cradling them gently, and then put them to bed with some mulch. Or that her spoon and fork "are dancing" at the dinner table, or maybe they get tired from all that and go night night with her napkin. BECAUSE SHE SURE ISN'T EATING. *sigh*

I have to say, it is so sweet to spend so much time with Addie. I get to feel like a sane parent again, like I have some semblance of control. Because so much of the time with two kids you are wrangling and trying to keep the peace. I am feeling more deliberate and relaxed...I have gotten some stuff done (oh, the bedroom turned out SO CUTE! Will post pics after I get the new bed sheets and curtains hung-can I just say that Gillian is going to freak out!? Pink and pink and purple and flowers. Totally freak. It is fit for a princess!). I get to have conversations at the playground with other parents without anyone pulling me away to play a mean witch or a princess-mermaid sister. So. Nice. But.

There really is always a but, isn't there? When we Skype with Gillian and I see her sweet face, I have visceral pain that I can't hug her good night. Pretending to kiss the Gilly-in-the-computer just isn't the same as kissing her and breathing in the smell of her little face. She slays me on a regular day with all her age-appropriate challenges, but of course I think she is a MAGNIFICENT child-so imaginative and creative. So, even though my life is easier without her here, I would never choose a life without her here. Both of my girls are completely different people when they are alone with us. It is remarkable the behavioral differences. Gillian is sweet, well-behaved, chatty, and warm. Addie is snuggly and happy and not nearly as whiney. And here's what I have really noticed since Gillian has been gone- ADDIE SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT WHEN GILLIAN ISN'T HERE. What is that all about? That has transformed my life, people. Wonderful, fabulous sleep! All I can figure out is that Addie has a LOT of nightmares that involve Gillian taking her stuff or them fighting about something (I know this because I hear her crying out in her sleep "nooooooooooooooooooo...MINE!").

Now here is something that truly has me irate:

So, I am missing Gillian desperately, and the days Sean is supposed to fly down and bring her home there is a major HURRICANE? Seriously? Ahh, the universe and her sense of humor. Her first day of school MIGHT be Monday.

Anyway, this past weekend, we so enjoyed out time as a family threesome. We hit the music/art festival on Glenwood (a short 2 block walk from our house)-which I totally think I am going to participate in next year! Addie got to see her buds Piper and Hauk and danced and hugged and kissed MANY neighborhood doggies (*sigh* my dog-free days are numbered, I fear). We enjoyed dusk at the beach both days and spent plenty of time outside enjoying the amazing weather. I think 75 and sunny is just about as perfect as it gets, and we are enjoying the waning days of summer (consequently, this is also the part when I rave about how I never want to leave Chicago).

Tomorrow and Friday I will be home with Addie, taking in the last few days alone together. I guess I feel a little sad that a second child just doesn't get this type of attentive, complete connection like a first. I feel like coming home will be a big adjustment for both of them-having had undivided attention both here and with the grandparents. I do think, though, that having this vacation with Addie will make me more sensitive to making some time to notice her sweet subtleties. She is just as amazing, and silly, and just as much a conscious little being as her sister and I have had the luxury of immersing myself in all things Addie in this little window of life. So, I count my blessings having had the opportunity to really BE with Addie this past week. Life is good.