Don't judge me

OK? My kid likes her pacifier. So sue me.

Chalk this up to one of those "shut yer trap, Michelle...you're kid will do things you never wanted her to do and you will let her, TO YOUR HORROR." I always thought kids looked kind of dopey sucking on pacifiers. And I was always like, "well, I'll tell you ONE thing. MY KID won't ever walk around with one of those stuck in her mouth all day long! (insert self righteously indignant annoying tone here)." Well, they form attachments at between 9-12 months with something, and it was picking holes in my skin or a pacifier. Do you blame me for my choice?

At any rate, I try to minimize this to bedtime only, but we do bring it on outings as well, just to keep the peace in an emergency. And also, when there is grass around...maybe we should also bring it to the beach to minimize Addie's pica ingestion hazards. Because Addie is not picky. She will eat grass, flowers, dust bunnies, wads of cat hair ripped out in a scuffle, rocks, dirt, or pocket change. Gillian was always much more discerning. She didn't care to taste anything, ever, including food. I always broke my arm patting myself on the back that Gillian's lovey ended up being burp cloths (organic, unbleached cotton, no less)-of which we have 10. No binkie for her. Now the Universe, ever the comedian, says "eat it Michelle."

Addie's favorite games*

Addie is a huge fan of peekaboo, and is especially fond of the baby in the mirror (or video camera monitor). The newest game, if I can capture it, is "where's [insert family member name]!?!" and whoever it is raises their arms high in the air and says "Here I am!". Addie is *almost* there with raising her arms and identifying herself. Right now, she squeals and makes a little silly squinty eyed piggy smiley face (the snuffling is what kills me) and shows all of her 7.75 teeth when we say "where's Addie??!!?". I will capture this at some point, because she makes me laugh.

What is really fascinating at this point is how babies never tire of repetition. I can play the same game with her until I am collapse, but unless she's tired or hungry we could do peekaboo or "who's that baby?" all day long. I love the gibberish conversations we are having these days; she is starting to repeat the consonant at beginnings of words, and will make "kkki, kuhh" when she sees the "kitty cat" or "buuh" when she sees babies, bottles, balls, or when she gropes me looking for lunch!!



Our communication, representative conversation, began in ernest two weeks ago when Addie started waving hello and goodbye. Begin warp speed to little girlness.

*Wow, it's amazing how much more I feel like blogging when I am not on a sleep deficit every single night!

Basking....for the moment

For this moment, I am Gillian's Muse. She loves me...deeply, completely. My name was the first she wrote and committed to memory. She draw pictures of me every single day. The other day while I was at work the babysitter told me that G was pretending I was sick and that she was taking care of me in my bed. She brought me medicine, and food, and wiped my warm head with a cool washcloth. She told me Monday that she and "pretend you" had a picnic together.

You'll recall her fetish with "baby Mama" and feeding me with her "boobies". Somehow she perceived the sacrifice and satisfaction that being a mother is, and with all her tiny being, tries to mirror back that love to me. Now, I'm not saying it's always rainbows around here, but there sure is a lot of love.

It's all pretty humbling, really. To be the center of someone else's universe like that. I am already missing this when I think about the malcontent of adolescence and the wishing away parents that inevitably comes when you are finding yourself and making your own way in the world. For now, I will enjoy it as much as I can, fully conscious of the transient nature of these fleeting moments. I will tell you one thing-NO ONE will ever love her the way I love her. I cultivated her seed of light from the beginning. Somehow I think she knows that.

Loved

Maybe my favorite present, ever.


So, in this one, she has her beloved burp cloth lovie ("Burpie") in her hand

Gillian and Addie "in the swimming pool"

Gillian (hair) and Addie (not so much)


Avant Garde

Thoughts of a mother

A dream
my baby
manifested of my blood and bone

A teacher
my sage
of all that ever was

A light
my angel
blinding us in twilight

A child
my grace
come to save me

Summer

Summer is almost here!!!!! Today was the first day we were able to break out the pool and the first time Addie has had the pleasure of the pool and the bathing suit and hanging out in the water for an extended period of time. It was a beautiful day, and I am THRILLED to be heading into my favorite time of the year-skirt and tank top weather.

The Racket of Toddler Ballet

Toddler ballet recitals are a complete, utter scam. Gillian had her first one last weekend. As any parent would, we wanted her to have the experience of performing, especially since she is such a ham. And because She makes us call her "Gillian Princess Ballerina Mermaid", and requires that we substitute this name in the place of "Angelina" in the Angelina Ballerina books (especially the one where she becomes a world famous ballerina and dances on the stage at the end; in this case we substitute "Mademoiselle Gillian Princess Ballerina Mermaid"). I mean, why limit yourself, when you can be everything magical and awesome in the world?

At any case it cost $125 for "costumes and tickets" for the recital. Custom costumes we were told. Huh. The skirt didn't look custom when I took them off the hanger with the tag on it. And the cheap black leotard was definitely not custom. I assume the costume was about $35, and the tickets were $20. So, a $70 profit on the cost of participating. And then there was the DVDs you could buy of the entire performance that were $30 because THERE IS NO RECORDING OF ANY KIND ALLOWED IN THE THEATER, people. Can you imagine? Paying $30 for a DVD of which your child (who does not have the cognitive capacity of remembering a dance routine yet) performs for 2 minutes?

Nope. So, I was one of many moms who snuck my video camera in and tried to be all incognito with it during Gillian's performance. Her two minute long dance, which she spent (mostly) playing with her doll prop. Doll props are dangerous, by the way. Attention spans of toddlers are short already, so it's best not to detract with a toy if you want them to follow what you are doing. But anyway, at the end of the day it was a great experience for her, it was cute for us to watch, and one day it will be a major outlet for my extrovert. So, without further ado....Mademoiselle Gillian Princess Ballerina Mermaid!!!