Through the Looking Glass

Where we started
How far we've come....

I don't consider myself particularly vain (and before you think about my prior blog post, nope-I don't think it's vain to NOT want an extra person worth of skin hanging from your midsection if that is what pregnancy, diet, and exercise have left you with)...and, directly related, probably not terribly insecure about my physical self (I mean, I have what God gave me, and I do the best I can with what I've got). I realize often that I don't have any idea if I have crazy hair or visible boogers in spite of the fact that I pee approximately 10,234 times each day in close proximity to a mirror. I literally wash my hands, and am so distracted or deep in thought, that I often don't even look at the mirror two feet from my face. I think that might be weird. We women are HARD on ourselves. While I DO feel like a whale sometimes (a natural biproduct of having to do advanced planning to do something as simple as turn over at night or get out of bed), that doesn't mean that I want to be a minnow right now. Pregnancy can wreak havoc on self-image, I think. So, I have compassion for women that can't embrace the changes it brings on physically. As for me, I am of the idea that being reasonable will always get you within throwing distance of where you want to be. So, I wasn't QUITE as saintly with my diet in this pregnancy, but look where saintly got me before...but, I will have three solid months in beautiful summer to get a jump start on stepping up the fitness program. Yoga five days a week has kept me decently firm and has saved my back, and walking keeps the swelling (mostly) under control and makes me feel better... but I am acutely aware that a good bit of this weight will be sticking around and I will have to work hard to get back to where I was before when the baby is born.

Last night Gillian and I took a bath together, and wore our towels to her room. Her new dresser has a giant mirror that is low enough that she can see herself in it. It also gives an impressive view of someone my height from mid-thigh to shoulders. I hadn't really taken a real look at my naked self with this belly. I have to tell you, it's kind of unbelieveable what I saw. As bloated and swollen as I can get sometimes, The Belly, distended and softly Gaussian-curved, is beautiful. Gillian intimately talking to it is even more so. I mean, I have a love/hate relationship with The Belly at this point...it makes me slower, less graceful. I worry that my skin is going to rip to shreds from all the stretching. It makes it hard to sleep and get comfortable at night. It makes my lower back cry uncle after a good long walk. But, God, there's an almost-full-term-baby in there, and for that I am so grateful.

And, bless him, Sean loves this Belly, and this body, and all the hard work going in there.