Pictures

I was looking at old photos this evening and got to thinking. "Look at all those beautiful, young faces"... my grandmother was so stunning, and elegant-so tall and thin. I love this picture where she rolled down her stockings to her ankles, as was the fashion for voguish daredevils like herself. She looks strong, and independent, and resolved-and she always was. Even more beautiful-her reclining as my rakish grandfather lounged back in her lap at a picnic when they were dating-she was wearing long, loose-legged sailor pants. I imagine the luxury of that fresh love, much the way I remember it in a similar picture of Sean and I at about the same age. When she stared back at herself later in life from those lovely old photos, what did she think about that poised young woman? Was she satisfied with the path she chose? With who she had become? Did she look at that photo of my grandfather in her lap after he had passed away, and close her eyes remembering the smell of his clean shaven face as she kissed him a moment after that photo was taken, those many years before? Did the photos trigger the memories that kept her warm until she joined him in ever after?

Looking at pictures of myself from the days of little responsibility, I think "would she like me, who I have become?" I don't think she would have thought we'd be here-all responsible and grown up. I see a face full of youth and endless possibilities when I look at those photos. I never knew how it would be standing here now-all blessed and loved so well. I couldn't fathom the realities of this life when I wrote in my lifelist of things to accomplish 10 years ago, "have a ocean-eyed fairy princess daughter some day". Imagine my joy that she does, indeed, have expansive, giant, expressive eyes. The onus is on me to make sure she is well versed in fairytales.

Pictures are some magical portal back to a specific moment...some particular second that captures something we feel the need to remember. There are so many of those moments when you have child. I don't want to forget them.