The looking glass

I am considering deactivating my social media account or really reducing my time on it. I feel like as a global population we are losing our people skills. I feel like maybe we can't remember how to be patient or give people grace, or how to make a phone call in order to hear people's voices. I feel like we intimate inflection and tone and are more likely than ever to misinterpret other people's intentions. I feel like people's insecurities are compounded by the parts of themselves other people choose to share, or in many case, not share...the things that would make them human sitting together don't exist on line. So, the perfect mom and homemaker you envy may be barely keeping it together, but you could never tell watching her life unfold on Facebook.

This struck home with me when, the other weekend, two women from school I know through room parenting agreed that I was "Supermom" at a party I was at. I was embarrassed to be lumped in the very false façade I was just discussing. I started thinking about it..and I was really resistant to the idea that my online persona could be causing self-doubt in others. I really try to mention the good and the ugly in our house-Addie's smart alec humor and Gillian's ups and downs (we even posted a sign she made for us to keep out because she was mad at us), as well as the things we are proud of them for. I starting thinking about it...I do post videos of their musical recitals, and photos of fun events and time spent with friends...I post pics of art projects I have done at school with the preschool class, and bits and pieces of other little things too. I mean, I don't post updates on my weight or my physical fitness achievements, but I also don't need validation on those things. I guess I started considering why it is that I post what I post. I like posting crafts because I think that if they turn out cute other people might want to try them with their kids. I post pics of trips and fun stuff and friends to share the photos I took with other FB friends who were there. I started considering why I am always feeling like it is my job to document our lives.

Maybe it's because I have exactly 46 pictures of my entire life growing up until I could develop my own photos. No one cared to archive my life at all (I was kid#3, and by all accounts a 7-year-later afterthought/oops (thanks family-for making me feel special by letting me know that growing up)). So, my own curiosity has never been satisfied with the one living member of my nuclear family that I never talk to (maybe once every few years) or see (last time was when my brother died in 2008)...I guess I decided now that I'm in control we will never lack in the visual memory department. And we don't. But that isn't the way some people operate. To them my play by plays are all about my overachieving and for them are insecurity-inducing. Truly-I am just living my life here. I remember reading something about not dimming your own light to make other people happier and more secure. So, part of me thinks-"share what you want to share. You have family and friends who don't see your relationship as a competition and don't feel the need to compare themselves to you." I love to see posts of my friends' kids doing awesome things and achieving. It makes me want to cheer lead for their successes, and it makes me proud of them too (because I genuinely love those friends and their kids). I don't get petulant and think "look at that bragging jerk" and feel insecure about my kids' awesomeness (or my own). It doesn't make us less when our friends and their kids do great things. In fact, maybe I should weed people who say things that insinuate that out of my life. Love is, among other things, people who rejoice with you in your tribulations (and sit with you in your trials for that matter). Ain't nobody got time for less than that.

So, trumpet your joy from the rooftops if you feel inclined. I love every weird drawing my kids make, every concert they perform in their music program, every insightful comment, and every belligerent show of their independence and burgeoning self hood. I won't apologize for loving those things or sharing them with other people who love our family.