Time for Change

It's February in Chicago. Which means we're all over it. We're impatient for Spring. The long, cold, grayness has taken it's toll. Seasonal Affective Disorder is at it's highest high.

These transitional months are interesting for me. I observe where I'm at emotionally, and this is when I am usually ready to push myself somehow. And this late-winter is no different. This time the change found me.

I have an amazing friend who I have mentioned before, who has made it her mission to serve others. She came back from four years in Africa changed with how she views wealth, blessings, and values. A few weeks ago, she challenged me and some other ladies with 7: Experimental Mutiny Against Excess.

The book is summarized like this: 7 is the true story of how Jen (along with her husband and her children to varying degrees) took seven months, identified seven areas of excess, and made seven simple choices to fight back against the modern-day diseases of greed, materialism, and overindulgence. In the spirit of a fast, they pursued a deeply reduced life in order to find a greatly increased God.

At first I thought, "well, I'm not sure about this....maybe it's preachy, maybe it's self-righteous, maybe it's ________" (insert other things that would get me out of having to take a hard look at the way I live my life). I should know better, since Roxanne is so genuine. This is really a group of women who want to get closer to God by cutting out the fat out of life. There are 13 or 14 of us-some single moms, some not moms, others married, some stay-at-home moms, some working moms, etc., etc.

It's interesting how this parallels my beloved Buddhism, and how they believe that you sit with God when you meditate in silent communion with yourself. I remember meditating for about 6 weeks rather religiously (ha!) for 10 tiny minutes a day, and how that changed my patience with myself and the people and circumstances around me. That communion with God was like a soul massage-like a recharge. I observed the suffering of other people, and their useless rage against circumstances (like a cat trying to fight its way out of a paper bag), and realized that to let go of that completely unserving emotion, you have to just accept it, sit with it, and let it go. But, then my "busy-ness" crept in and I lied to myself that I didn't have time to meditate and that I wasn't in a calm enough state (which is exactly when you SHOULD meditate), etc. etc.....anything to not have to sit in honesty with myself. Why not? I suppose I still have a lot of work to do with compassion for my own expectations of myself, shortcomings, and mistakes. So, because I seem to be happy to give until I am bone dry and not recharge the well, I find myself right where I was when I decided I needed to find a way to connect with everything.  Let me just explain that that encompasses God, which is and created everything. Some people call that "the universe" or "Nirvana" or "The Tao".

Since every sentient being originated from and returns to the source, there is an essence of God in every thing that IS. To that end, it serves us to connect with and recognize and sit with our commonness. We are all threads of God. We are stronger woven together, open to eachother, compassionate and sitting in non-judgement of one another.

So, that need to be present and feel connected is what is driving me to do this. I honestly believe that if I can simplify my life, I will be less distracted by the clutter in the world, and can spend more time in the moment. Intentional living, and mindfulness is how we open up our pathways of love and charity and compassion-and how we are REALLY HERE for and with the people we need to be here for. That's how I learn to listen hard and be patient with what my family members are telling me (verbally or not) and how I can open my ears to my calling. I'm cleaning out my pathways, y'all. This month we begin with the most basic thing: Food.

I love sweets. After not eating cheese or milk for about 30 years, I discovered it in my 30s, and haven't looked back since. I have always had issues with wheat/gluten intolerance-but I never cared enough to stop eating all the wonderful things made of wheat. This has made me have some serious GI problems all my life. I was made aware of these issues by seeing a dietician years ago...but just like meditation, I let that fall to the side after being pretty good for a while and feeling great. Because I don't matter as much as everyone else. LAME. How am I supposed to be a good wife and mother if I feel subpar all the time? If I am not fueling my body with something it can use? How am I supposed to hear the guidance and messages the universe sends my way if my gut and mind are cluttered with junk? So, my commitment to making space for my connection with everything is to make sure food is not why I am feeling crummy...to make sure my body and mind have what they need to be present and open. Immediately, my second day of no wheat, gluten, dairy, and 99% of sugar (I allow myself 1/2 tsp in my morning coffee) I got hit over the head. I was being heard.

I am no rap connoisseur (I had to google the refrain to get the full lyrics and rapper), but I have *never* heard Christian rap at the Jackson station (where I get on/off the train for work) in my life. Don't know if I created a space for my intentions to be acknowledged, or clarity is already setting in enough to hear messages, but Whoa-universe is yelling "wake up!" ((1 TH 5:6) "Therefore let us not sleep, as do others; but let us watch and be sober.") I also was standing waiting for a train at rush hour long enough to hear the entire song (usually, the trains are closer together). Just thought I'd share-the angel at the Jackson Station was rapping a song for me and anyone else searching ;-) . I won't post the whole thing, but here are some lyrics that make the point:


"Show me what I got to do
To bring me closer to you
Cause I'm gonna go through
What ever you want me to
Just let me know what to do
Lord give me a sign!"

And, so far so good with the changing my eating habits. I fell off the wagon on Valentines day-how could I not enjoy cake with my babies? But I paid for it with nausea and a temporary return to feeling terrible-and I decided no cake is worth that feeling. I do feel like I have a bit more clarity as the days move on. I decided to start trying the meditation again, because I need it. Every parent does.