Happy Birthday to My Gillian

My beautiful girl:

Today is your birthday. Again. Every year I am in awe of how short the spaces are between the days we celebrate your crazy entrance into this world. How you are growing up too fast, and how I wish I could slow it down long enough to savor these sweet days more. This year I am going to promise you something: I am going to slow down. I am going to let things go so I can savor these moments more-the things that ultimately don't make a bit of difference in the grand scheme of things...Nothing matters to me as much as you and Addie, and nothing anyone has to say could possibly have to say is as important as what you have to say.

I am telling you this because it's a hard lesson. You see, adults are a little foolish sometimes. Sometimes we try to control things, and we can get wrapped up in stuff that isn't nearly as important as just BEING while you are over there growing up at the speed of light...and find ourselves remiss at threading ourselves through that. These are the years where you WANT us to be wound up in you, and you want to be wound up in us. I try to always stop when you need me to stop and BE with you. I try. For what it's worth-I see you, and I love you all the way through. Just last night I asked Papa to let you stay just a little while longer in our bed so I could watch you sleep, and so I could breathe with you and fall asleep etching your angel face into my mind for later. Some moments when I watch you, I am still amazed that you were given to me to guide and protect-I am humbled by that responsibility.

Right now, you are like light-a prism of color, and joy, and imagination. Your favorite gift was a pair of butterfly wings you could lace around your upper arms and pointer finger that flutter when you flit around the house, light as a leaf.  You are an artist and are creative and intuitive. You are becoming quite a fine musician with the hard work of Papa every night with your violin. You are doing well with piano too, but the practices aren't as structured as at the Music Institute, so I think you violin skills will surpass piano before too long. I may even take piano lessons so I can help you better.

You have stubbornly NOT learned to read, and I have let that go. But you will catch up and run past kindergarten in no time with that. And oh, I imagine that the library will be a place of wonderment for you when you realize each of those books will come to life when you open it up-a private joy of your own. You decided in the past few months that pants and jeans are tolerable, and sometimes you even prefer them. This is huge because you would have rather eaten rocks than put on a pair of pants before that. You sat down and wrote your alphabet, upper and lower case, and wrote your numbers to 50 until I told you that you were probably ok with the homework assignment to write the alphabet in capital letters and write your numbers to 10. You love to make people proud-you aren't showing off, you just love to please people (this is a misconception people had about me at your age). You have lots of friends, and have become so easy going in social situations. You make new friends easily, and have taken to your new classroom full of new friends like a fish to water. I like seeing you manage so well. Makes me feel like we are doing something right.

You are tolerant, and I feel like we have prepared you well to be kind to others, and to try to stand in non-judgement of their choices (except smoking, but I understand why you can't get behind that). For example, the other night we were playing the Game of Life and Addie was the first to get to marriage and you asked her "do you want to marry a boy or a girl". I was so proud of you. And of your world view that love is love, and people build lives with those they love. And it was a no-brainer that people who love eachother should get married, regardless. I teared up, honestly, because while this may be the world you know as you grow up, it was not always that way. But you know that right is right, and you are fair and honest.

So, happy birthday, my sweet girl. You are SIX years old. SIX!!! We love you, so much. We are proud of the person you are and the person you are becoming.

Love, Mama