Ten reasons why I am SO READY to NOT be pregnant anymore

God makes the end miserable for a reason. It gives you the wherewithall to push a watermelon out of your nether region without a second thought-because you just can't stand to deal with being pregnant one more second. Here is my top ten list of things I am ready (no, really really ready) to be done with, in no particular order:

1. EVERYTHING ITCHES (and I mean EVERYTHING). Something I didn't know that exists that itches are these little things on my stomach that look like bug bites. They showed up a few weeks ago and appear to be prurigo gestationis or pruritic folliculitis, either of which suck. It's as much as I can take to not scratch my stomach, but I read that it spreads if you scratch it, so I am trying *so* hard not to...

2. Heartburn and constipation. Neither needs much description, but the stomach acid in my mouth in the middle of the night is starting to get old. Happily, I can say that the constipation has gone away these past two weeks with a little help from Lactobacillus GG, my new best friends, ever.

3. Whose feet ARE these, anyway? They are worse tonight than they have ever been-again I must learn to take it easy, but everyone knows I am really not good at that...all I can say is good thing I have a doc appt tomorrow.
4. Weight gain. Water weight. How much of this is my fault? How in the world do you lose 5 pounds while you're asleep (and can I find a way to bottle it)?5. Lack of grace. You should see me try to get out of the bathtub. Heeee-larious.

6. God I'm tired. What sleep? Where's my husband? I "sleep" in a maze of pillows in a separate bed because there is not enough room for me and for my pillows and for Sean. The pillows are a must, though, or there would be no sleep. Even then when I get up to pee (which takes strategy), pelvic and hip bones make interesting sounds and popping sensations and ache....7. STRETCH MARKS. Oh, how I lament....If she had been born at 36 weeks, I wouldn't have gotten them at all....Amanda says celebrities schedule their c-sections at 35 weeks specifically to avoid the havoc of the bitter end's toll on the body. I believe it. My bellybutton looks pretty pissed off, and totally deserves to have that sneer...8. Dehabilitating exhaustion. Like, drooling at my desk at work every day at 2pm. Regardless of how much sleep I get (and I have been pretty bad about that, so I blame myself...but I *will* be taking a nap midday now that I am working from home which will be the equivalent of my commute time...), I am a walking zombie.

9. Pressure, pressure, and more pressure. Alien baby trying to stick her toes through my abdomen...and the fact that she only feels the need to explore the lower 7 inches of my abdomen, which I am convinced is the reason why I am protruding like this. On the bright side, she had never kicked me in the ribs or stomach...

10. Dwindling wardrobe options and nasal congestion (haven't had two free nostrils in 6 months). I think I hear what you were saying, Suzi. Maybe I will burn the three things that still fit when this is all over...

Gillian put a baby doll under her shirt and said she was pushing her out of her vagina. Then she said, "Now I don't have fat ankles anymore!" Awesome-this is pure deduction because I have mentioned my feet in front of her but not my ankles...she got that all by herself.

Now something sweet:
We were watching Little Einsteins this morning and the gang's mission was to find a baby reindeer and bring him back to his mother. When it was over, Gillian said, "Am I your deer??" This prompted a swift scoop up and super kisses. Of course she is... I will remind myself that ALL of this is totally worth that.

OK, enough of this. If Sean sees this, he might take back the compliment about being impressed by how cheerful, positive, and un-whiney I have been about this pregnancy. *yawn*-off to bed!