A little bit of perspective

Today, my friend Lara had a little BBQ and invited some new parents she knows from work, her birth class, and her neighborhood. The kids generally ranged in age from 5 to 8 months old. Gillian, it seemed, was light years older that the other kids. Hearing the conversations around me made me consider where my head was at when Gillian was 8 months old (gestational months).

Back then, I was excited because we had recently started her on solid food (I had no idea the Sainthood I would earn in dealing with her and her love/aversion for putting things in her mouth and swallowing them). I just started back to work full time. We were nursing all the time when I was home, and I pumped three times a day at work (which makes me tired to think about). I was simply gushy over motherhood. Glowing with it. Loved to eat, breathe, and sleep it. So, for me, seeing these moms being glowy and gushy was sweet. Kids are generally so easy at 8 months old. I mean, you can still eat with both hands, your baby doesn't throw fits/try to channel Houdini at restaurants, they don't have such an opinionated determination about getting what they want (except the basic necessities, which aren't rocket science to read (like hunger, dirty pants, or sleepiness))....they will fall asleep in public places, they don't talk back (there are many other wonderful things about 8 month olds, but these are the major ones I can think of). I would love to hear the conversation in a year. It's a whole different ballgame then. No more discussing when someone's kid started sitting up, or which type of fruit they're on in purees, the change in the consistency of baby poop with solid food, or whether or not they actually move forward when commando crawling (while they sit there, smiling serenely, at a tri-colored sock). When your kid is almost two, it's all about how long it's been since your kid acted enough like a human being to actually sit in a restaurant for more than 5 minutes, or why it takes 65 minutes to walk 4 blocks (e.g., stroller aversion), or how you can stop your kid from drawing on the furniture, or teach them to refrain from pooping on the carpet.

I think one of the people might have gotten worried when she left her baby with me to go get some food. She came back and Gillian was trying to feed another baby some grass (I was distracted, per usual) and her kid, not quite able to sit up alone, was leaning precariously sideways because I was turned around dealing Old McDonald. Another couple of people asked me questions which I started to answer and stopped talking mid-sentence (I realized later at least two instances where I actually remember this happening) to pay attention to Gillian for one reason or another. The take home message here is: IT IS VERY VERY VERY HARD TO HAVE A CONVERSATION when you have a toddler, and NO, I DON'T HAVE ADD. We Moms of Toddlers can still hear you, we just have to take a second (ok, many seconds) to acknolwedge our Very Busy Child (or keep them from being destructive or hurting themselves or someone else). Now, that is not to say that when Gilly and I are with other kids her age that we don't manage fine, but that's because if the kids are all the same age, they can get it as good as they give it and you don't have to worry so much. Gillian was the oldest at this shin-dig, and at my most basic level, I was just thrilled she decided that babies were no longer for slapping (in fact, she decided she wanted to hold a real live baby (petting her and looking at me saying "Gilly, gentle"-relief-it DID sink in eventually!), and it was very sweet). When we are with other toddlers, all of us moms have conversations that are erratic, non-fluid, partly nonsensical, but we totally keep up with what eachother has to say. An indoor party of 5 toddlers is pretty much the max a reasonable person can manage, and that is pushing it (think: cat herding, except the cats are hellbent on getting into absolutely everything, every second). Fetes any larger can only be reasonably accomplished outdoors, where mayhem can reign supreme and your house isn't destroyed at the end of the day.

There are many redeeming things about Gillian and the age that she is at (independence, ability to communicate, more able to interact and be creative, etc.), but today I was struck by how much I have learned in the past year. I was reminded of what a very, very, very long road the past 22 months has been. Then I thought people are completely out of their mind to do it again given the amount of work it is to do once. *yawn* I am going to bed.