Not Good Enough

Dear Breasts:

It has come to my attention that The Baby is no longer satisfied with the quantity of milk you are currently producing. You have consistently failed to spontaneously produce more milk using Stella the electronic surrogate these past three months while away from said Baby 40 hours a week. Given this unfortunate situation, we were forced to resort to Formula yesterday for the first time. Formula, as you know, is the ultimate symbol of failure for control-freaks like me, who wish to always do everything THE BEST...no, better than that. Who wish to do everything perfectly all the time. God knows that simulated milk is not the same, not as good, and not as healthy as the ultimate "Liquid Gold" that is breastmilk. This situation involves realizing one's humanness, and is remarkably unpleasant. Failure is not in the vocabulary around here, and failing to provide for The Baby, who refuses to eat solids as frequently or in the quantities of other babies her age (oh, to my utter frustration), while understandable, is unacceptable. What's that, you say? You have fed her completely for almost 11 months? NOT GOOD ENOUGH. What? Other babies get formula their entire infanthood? Your point? Not on my watch.

Now, you girls step to it. There's a baby to feed.
The Management