Renaissance Papa

Our generation is SO lucky when it comes to sharing of domestic responsibilities. I just want to take a moment to appreciate my husband, and his interest and ability in the child-rearing/housekeeping departments.

I don't know how many times people in my mother's generation have said to me "you all are fortunate to have husbands that want to help you parent your children day-to-day." I suppose when many women stayed at home, it was probably true that mom bore most responsibility for keeping the household and rearing the children. But not for all women. My mother worked full time my entire life, so I'm not sure what my dad's excuse was for not helping more with us (beyond simple laziness, as she also provided the financial stability for us). And the dynamic my parents had is still true today for some, but for most of my friends the relationship between them and their significant other in the parenting department is 50/50. Or 35/65 or something.

I think women, in general, are more prone to dissolving into being a mother more than men are prone to losing their identities in fatherhood. After all, we carried these children, and many of us single-handedly feed them. And I have heard several of my girlfriends tell me their husbands uttered the phrase "I'm off duty" when their kid asked for something (as has mine), but have never heard any of them say they have done the same. Because as a mom, we're never off duty. I have gotten up with Addie 2996 of the 3000 times she has waken up at night since she was born, Sean has never given her a bath (not even once), and I take the girls to almost every single doctors appointment. I assume that I will not have alone time ever. Sean goes to musical events regularly still, and makes time for doing the things he likes to do. I don't begrudge this. I need to learn from him.

Sometimes I think we assume men know what we need, and we can grow resentful if they don't offer up, "hey, honey. You've had a rough week. Why don't I take the kids while you go get a massage, pedicure, and have a leisurely lunch with your girlfriends this weekend?". Well, they aren't going to offer that kind of gift, but I have learned that it's ok to ask for it. In fact, Sean wants me to do more for myself. He said so.

So, I recognize my husband is a great dad, and he teaches Gillian things like the Bubbilicous theme song from 1986, how to play tic-tac-toe, how to sing "Keep on the Sunny Side of Life", how to count money, how to make straw wrapper snakes, and how to skip. Subtle things that everyone should know, but that I don't necessarily think to teach her. He takes out the recycling and the garbage. He fills and unloads the dishwasher. He does 85% of the laundry. He preps the house every morning for the day when Anna arrives and we have kids running around. And God, I SO appreciate all that. I often find myself thinking what a great compliment we make to eachother's lives and to our kids' lives. I feel like I cover bigger life issues (feedings, sleep) and he fills in the gaping holes in between. And then he tells me I should go have a date with my girlfriends.