Post script

You are now three days long past the day they tell me you were supposed to be here. I am tired, and heavy, and slow. I grow impatient to meet you, and to unload the burden the extra weight has brought to my joints and my back. It is hard to sleep, it is hard to walk any distance, it is hard to get up after sitting down. I wish I didn't think about your impending arrival so much, but I am reminded of how I want you to be in my arms just about every time I move.

We have had a few starts that were promising, but mostly nothing to indicate that you have any intention of joining us with any expediency...except last night two hours of contractions that were decently close together and felt possibly real, and then they stopped. I was disappointed. It might have been fun to have a 4th of July baby-a celebration day for a special, special girl. At this point, if I knew for sure you would join us tomorrow or Monday, I could be still and "stop waving my arms so much".

I suppose God has forcefully answered my prayer to be full term...even my un-prayer to be "miserably, uncomfortably pregnant", which I dryly told friends is what I wanted this time. I got both. For the record, God, I officially pray to be unpregnant now.

I could be a bit more Zen about all of this if I weren't trying for a natural birth. My "exit strategy" talk with my doctor is Monday. I'd rather not be butting up against some deadline (by which we have to go into labor on our own or lose control and power to have options and choices). I'd rather not be talking about "exit strategies" at all. I'd rather you give my body the signal that says it's our time. I wouldn't worry as much if inductions weren't so sketchy for VBAC candidates...not that I ever wanted an induction, because we all know how that goes. But worse is another surgery, which would mean that I would never get to see what my body is capable of, because any subsequent children would necessarily have to be c-sections also. I don't want to "sell out" to the mostly bogus medical paradigm to hand out c-section orders like candy for the ass-covering and convenience of practitioners. I don't want to be a person who says "I had to have a c-section because I went too long" when I know that if I give you a little time, there is a 93% chance that you will come by yourself.

So, I'll do my best to help you get me ready- we drink red rasberry leaf tea...we take evening primrose oil and baste the turkey (prostaglandins), I will continue to pump to stimulate oxytocin production...and walk as much and as far as your protruding body will allow my back, and sway on the birth ball to help you move down. We even tried acupuncture yesterday, but so far, no major progress. But, what is irrefutable is that you can't stay in there forever. You will come on your own or the medical establishment will evict you. Evictions are never pleasant, so I hope you will join us soon, because YOU are ready...