Dearest Adelaide:
Today you turned three! THREE! I can’t believe that you are so grown up. Already.
I imagine you like a comet, streaking through my life, burning, on fire, lighting up my sky. I know what kind of person you are. I KNOW. Your passion moves you, your full heart spills over, you love expansively. You are fair and kind, and generous. You hug me a million times a day, and pucker up your rosebud mouth and kiss me over and over and over again, little arms around my neck-you pull back to look me right in the eyes and touch my face gently and whisper “MY Mama, my Best Big Mama”. I respond, “MY Addie, my Sweet Baby Addie” (this never fails to make tears sting my eyes). This is what I imagine pure bliss is. Loving someone the way we love each other. You are quick to laughter, and quick to cause mischief, and good at deflecting attention from your initiation of that mischief. You are clever.
You and Gillian have a volatile relationship, though time alone with either of you is calm and quiet. I might hear sweet singing and giggling when you are together or I might hear you fighting big, and loud, and full-throttle (the other day, you got so mad at her you bit her-hard-and left bruises on her arm (but I also want you to know it wasn’t out of meanness-rest assured that she deserved it)). Both of you have so much passion-both of you are larger than life, and believe what you believe, and have a very clear picture of what you want your worlds to look like. I believe you love each other. I believe one day you will be grateful that you have a sister to face the world with. And she loves you, even if she resents the fact she has to share us with you.
My Sweet Baby Addie-you aren’t a baby anymore. When I say you are so big and it makes me sad, you reassure me that you will be my baby again one day. And maybe you will. I tell you that you can never stop being my baby, because no matter what, I will look back and remember you right now. Even the day you graduate from college, or get married, or have your own little girl. I will remember your tiny little face, and the way your mouth moves when you sing, and the way your gold curls frame your angel face as my three year old girl. I will get the same knot in my throat I have right now, just thinking about those days to come, the ache to have you in my arms the way I do these endless numbered days. I hope you are never too big for my arms, my little love.
At this moment I am looking forward to the second I get home and you will run to me; when I can engulf you in all the love I harbor-like a deep red blanket, and get those kisses, and hear those whispers, and look into your intelligent eyes that crinkle in the corners when you smile, just like mine.
And so, Adelaide, I want you to know, I am madly, stupidly, crazy in love with you. You are the manifestation of every love dream I have ever had. You are my gift. And even if you ever stray, or get lost, or lose hope in your own journey, I will be right here for you to come home to. And I will always ALWAYS love you.
Love,
Mama
