So Big....

Real ballet shoes and everything...my angel spinning and dancing and laughing. She's getting so big.

Yeah...it's kinda like this

Not sure I could say it any better... I have a resident lump in my throat with every sweet second these days.

http://www.dooce.com/2009/06/22/family-four

Thanks, Karin, for sharing.

Ten reasons why I am SO READY to NOT be pregnant anymore

God makes the end miserable for a reason. It gives you the wherewithall to push a watermelon out of your nether region without a second thought-because you just can't stand to deal with being pregnant one more second. Here is my top ten list of things I am ready (no, really really ready) to be done with, in no particular order:

1. EVERYTHING ITCHES (and I mean EVERYTHING). Something I didn't know that exists that itches are these little things on my stomach that look like bug bites. They showed up a few weeks ago and appear to be prurigo gestationis or pruritic folliculitis, either of which suck. It's as much as I can take to not scratch my stomach, but I read that it spreads if you scratch it, so I am trying *so* hard not to...

2. Heartburn and constipation. Neither needs much description, but the stomach acid in my mouth in the middle of the night is starting to get old. Happily, I can say that the constipation has gone away these past two weeks with a little help from Lactobacillus GG, my new best friends, ever.

3. Whose feet ARE these, anyway? They are worse tonight than they have ever been-again I must learn to take it easy, but everyone knows I am really not good at that...all I can say is good thing I have a doc appt tomorrow.
4. Weight gain. Water weight. How much of this is my fault? How in the world do you lose 5 pounds while you're asleep (and can I find a way to bottle it)?5. Lack of grace. You should see me try to get out of the bathtub. Heeee-larious.

6. God I'm tired. What sleep? Where's my husband? I "sleep" in a maze of pillows in a separate bed because there is not enough room for me and for my pillows and for Sean. The pillows are a must, though, or there would be no sleep. Even then when I get up to pee (which takes strategy), pelvic and hip bones make interesting sounds and popping sensations and ache....7. STRETCH MARKS. Oh, how I lament....If she had been born at 36 weeks, I wouldn't have gotten them at all....Amanda says celebrities schedule their c-sections at 35 weeks specifically to avoid the havoc of the bitter end's toll on the body. I believe it. My bellybutton looks pretty pissed off, and totally deserves to have that sneer...8. Dehabilitating exhaustion. Like, drooling at my desk at work every day at 2pm. Regardless of how much sleep I get (and I have been pretty bad about that, so I blame myself...but I *will* be taking a nap midday now that I am working from home which will be the equivalent of my commute time...), I am a walking zombie.

9. Pressure, pressure, and more pressure. Alien baby trying to stick her toes through my abdomen...and the fact that she only feels the need to explore the lower 7 inches of my abdomen, which I am convinced is the reason why I am protruding like this. On the bright side, she had never kicked me in the ribs or stomach...

10. Dwindling wardrobe options and nasal congestion (haven't had two free nostrils in 6 months). I think I hear what you were saying, Suzi. Maybe I will burn the three things that still fit when this is all over...

Gillian put a baby doll under her shirt and said she was pushing her out of her vagina. Then she said, "Now I don't have fat ankles anymore!" Awesome-this is pure deduction because I have mentioned my feet in front of her but not my ankles...she got that all by herself.

Now something sweet:
We were watching Little Einsteins this morning and the gang's mission was to find a baby reindeer and bring him back to his mother. When it was over, Gillian said, "Am I your deer??" This prompted a swift scoop up and super kisses. Of course she is... I will remind myself that ALL of this is totally worth that.

OK, enough of this. If Sean sees this, he might take back the compliment about being impressed by how cheerful, positive, and un-whiney I have been about this pregnancy. *yawn*-off to bed!

Wish List

Birth plans are funny things... like if you had a Christmas List for your birth of everything you could make happen just the way you want it, that would be it. It was *almost* laughable that I had one last time. Like, NOTHING happened the way I wanted it. I have the audacity to draft another one for this birth, hopeful this experience is completely different. So, for your information, I present to you, the Birth Plan:
************************************************************************************
Dear Labor and Delivery Staff at Advocate Illinois Masonic Hospital:

We are looking forward to working with you for the delivery of our second child! As you can imagine, as the date nears, we are growing more and more excited to meet our daughter. We know, from our experience with our first child’s birth at Masonic, that we can count on excellent quality of care and medical expertise for this birth.

We are acutely aware that birth can be unpredictable, and that some situations may arise that require medical interventions, but we are requesting your support in as natural a VBAC birth experience as possible. If some situation that requires medical intervention should arise, we would ask that you take the time to explain the special circumstance, the medical need for any procedure you might anticipate, and what options are available. Our first birth was somewhat traumatic for us, as we experienced severe acute onset pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome requiring a very early delivery, and our daughter spent over seven rough weeks in the NICU. You can imagine that we would like to experience this birth very differently, and thankfully, we have had an uneventful and healthy pregnancy so far this time around. We hope to partner with you to provide our new baby a natural, peaceful, beautiful entry to the world.

Below we have provided our desires and preferences for this birth.

Many Thanks,


_________________________ _________________________
Michelle Sean

Goal:
As natural as possible, with as little medical intervention
and time in the hospital as possible.


For labor/birthing:
 To have the following people present during the birth: Sean (Papa), Tricia (our Doula), Suzi (Mom), and our Doctor (Dr. C). We ask, respectfully, for a respite from medical residents. So, please, no medical residents at any time in the room
 To enjoy a calm and peaceful birthing atmosphere in the room with minimal noise, clutter, interruption, and lights
 To snack and drink for energy and nourishment during labor
 To direct any and all questions about my labor to my husband. Request that Dr. C provide information regarding suggested deviations from our birth plan directly to us and/or our support team
 To avoid use of words like “pain”, “hurt”, “hard labor”, “move things along”; avoid offering painkillers or other drugs
 To have as few internal exams as possible and to maintain the integrity of my membranes until they rupture spontaneously
 We request no continuous EFM and maternal blood pressure monitoring, if possible
 We request no routine IV prep and prefer no Heplock, if possible
 To have freedom of movement
 To experience no augmentation of labor or placental delivery via Pitocin without discussion and explanation of need (we hope nursing will assist in placental delivery)
 To have hot compresses for my perineum; do whatever it takes to preserve the perineum! Along that same line of thinking, we request no episiotomy under any circumstances
 To avoid counting or loud coaching during pushing…allow me to breathe the baby down and push only when I have the urge
 We ask that staff avoid physically stretching the perineum during crowing
 We ask that unless absolutely medically necessary, no forceps or vacuum extracting be used during delivery

For our Daughter:
If she is breathing well and thriving:
 To place the baby immediately on my chest and to remain there for her first hour of life (please perform Apgar with baby on chest)
 To allow the baby’s cord to finish pulsing before clamping and cutting
 To delay washing, drying, weighing, Vitamin K, and footprints until we have bonding time
 To not administer Erythromycin drops to her eyes (will sign a waiver)
 Prefer oral administration of Vitamin K if available
 To allow the baby to nurse immediately and stay in our room at all times
 Lactation consultant visit would be appreciated during stay

Important contact information:

Dr. C, MD (our family doc and attending physician for the birth)
Office: ###-###-####
Cell: ###-###-####

Papa: Sean Mama: Michelle
Cell: ###-###-####; Home: ###-###-#### Cell: ###-###-####

Tricia X (Dona/Doula)
Cell: ###-###-####

Suzi (“Nonni”, Gilly and Addy’s Grandmother)
Cell: ###-###-####

Awesome Friend, MD (friend and emergency backup in my neighborhood)
Cell: ###-###-####

M.J., MS, PhD, DABT (Mama’s Supervisor at Work)
Work: ###-###-####
Cell: ###-###-####

Happy

It was an absolutely perfect day. We met Megan and Francie up at the beach/playground, and the girls had a blast and we soaked up the warm sun.. even got a little burnt. Lots of friends stopped by to play in the sand with us and then we went for lunch where the bonding continued. The girls held hands and talked all the way home, then we came home and took a nap (both of us).

After nap our friends Amanda and AJ came over to play. Our little neighborhood block had a party, where Gillian got ahold of two helium balloons and systematically forgot about each of them long enough for them to fly away (the second time, AJ, who is ever sympathetic, cried on Gillian's behalf and when we asked what was wrong he said "I don't knowwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"). We got out the pool and had loads of neighborly fun with Elliot and his folks, Darla, and some other friends, and grilled and enjoyed the gorgeous weather.

Scenes:

Amanda, who is amazing, sewed this beautiful quilt for the baby from squares people made at the shower (and that Gillian drew), and brought it today for us. These kinds of gifts mean so so much to me, and I have moments of tremendous gratefulness, and they are so humbling... Thank you for reminding me again that I am loved so much...
Also, The Belly is reaching epic proportions. I now officially have honest-to-God stretch marks on the underside of my bellybutton (and God does my stomach ITCH; not scratching myself until I am weak and bleeding is taking serious effort...and for what it's worth, rubbing instead of scratching is unsatisfying, but I am managing). I think if she decides to stay put for a couple more weeks, I'll have a whole lot more.After the festivities, Darla and I went to the grocery store, and on the way home, we saw a billboard on a local restaurant that read, "Finally, a sunny Sunday!"

Amen!

Frustrated

Can someone tell me why it is still in the 50s in mid June at my house? After the miserable winter we had, I was sure we would be afforded a nice summer. I suppose it has been decent if you live in the suburbs, but it has consistently been about 20 degrees colder where we live (by Lake Michigan) all spring. Here is the forecast for the next three days, for example. I am beginning to hate the "except by the lake" part:

Rest of Today
Showers and thunderstorms in the morning... then a chance of showers and thunderstorms in the afternoon. Highs in the upper 60s...except in the upper 50s near the lake. North winds 10 to 15 mph. Chance of precipitation 100 percent.

Friday
Partly cloudy. Highs in the lower 70s...except in the upper 50s near the lake. East winds around 10 mph.

Saturday
Partly sunny. Highs in the lower 70s...except in the upper 50s near the lake. East winds 10 to 15 mph.

I know the cool is keeping me looking human and not like a blimp, but for Gillian's sake, it would be great if we could get out and enjoy the beach and playgrounds with SUMMER clothes on. You know, since it's summer and all. Maybe even do Wednesday playdate outside on a day that's NOT RAINING or threatening to rain.

I am whining. I know that. I have given myself permission since I am grouchy today. Maybe soon I'll be 30 lbs lighter and hanging outside in a tank top with my girls. Maybe with a beer, even. That'll keep me going....

Stopping traffic

I am quite the vision these days. I mean, I guess I am. People feel the need to acknowledge The Belly. They get a smirk on the sidewalk and say, "that baby looks ready to come out!", or "Any day now!", or "How much longer?". Women offer anecdotes, sympathy, and advice. Men offer the obvious and rhetorical questions (mostly useless). Today a man literally stopped his truck in the middle of the street to say, "Is he ready?" and I was like, "huh?" and the guy said, "that baby, he looks ready! It's a boy? How much longer you got?" I'm thinking, Jesus, I know I'm heavy with child and all, but I must be REALLY noticeable for people to be stopping their cars in traffic to offer commentary! This guy wasn't the first to assume the baby is a boy since, as another drunken, yet astute, observer from the park noted, my belly looks like a TORPEDO. Excellent.

In other musings, I am think the baby might be dropping down. Suddenly, I have this feeling like my bladder is in a compressor. Maybe even the feeling you get after you pee with a UTI, except constant for the past several hours (and not related to peeing at all). It feels all full down there. With this new unpleasantness (which I am hoping is just an unfortunate and fleeting desire for the baby to explore a new nook and get bored of), it might be a grand idea to see if I can work from home a couple days a week for the next three weeks. I am focused mostly on a dataset that is time critical and my priority, which is very easy work from home. I plan to ask the question tomorrow, even though given how small our office is it's not our usual to be allowed to work from home.

Gillian had a day of gems, as usual, and I am going to try to remember a few...

(re: nasty new skinned knee from a faceplant at Buckingham Fountain today)
"Boo boo is my friend. He's my red friend, my favorite kind of friend. Red like my pretty toes. I love him. He looks like a red balloon. See? Here's his tail."

(singing, out of nowhere in the backseat of the car): "Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose...." (Sean and I looked at eachother and tried really hard to contain ourselves, but that sweet little voice and the lyrics were killing us)

(She is really in to things being or not being...of doing something, or not doing something, etc.)
Me: "We're going to stop and get some dinner and maybe we'll have a picnic. Do you want to do that?"
Her: "Yes, Mama. Papa, maybe we will go on a picnic!"
Him: "Or maybe we won't." (insert devilish intent)
Her: "maybe we will."
Him: "Or maybe we won't"
Her (getting agitated, Sean laughing, agitating her more): "MAYBE WE WILL!"
Him: "OK, maybe we will"
Her (exasperated): "THANK YOU, Papa". (it was almost adult like how she got that type of joking and was annoyed by it...when she is ten, she will roll her eyes)

She asked me 500 times today if I love her. In the car she asked about 15 times on the way to Hyde Park for the fiddler convention. So, she said "Mama, do you love me?" and I said "Are you going to ask me that 8,000 times a day? YES, of course I love you!"...then she laughed michievously and said, "Mama, do you love me??" (she was so obviously messing with Me)

(about a rock, with a happy face drawn on it)
"Mama, don't touch this ok? It is very, very, very special to me. So, don't touch it! (wagging finger; we did not teach her that phrase, but the "special to me" part was very cute)

(Re: chocolate on a stick)
Me: "Can I have a bite of your special lollipop?"
Her: "Sure Mama" (holds it over to me)
(few minutes later) Me: "Can I have one more little bite?"
Her: "Yes, but this is the LAST bite, OK? No more for you today, OK Mama?"

And before everyone thinks I am delusional for saying I can see this baby practice breathing, BEHOLD: